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“The Groped Giver - On Being Used”
Categories: Monday Morning Meditation(Note: The following article, like yesterday's sermon, was heavily influenced by the insightful comments of several of our members. There are references to these comments throughout and a couple of links to the discussions they came from at the end.)
“Hey Babe, can I get your thumb?” is something that is said at a probably(?) higher than average rate in our house. Some necessary context... For several years mine and Jordan’s phones, like many, required our unique thumbprints to unlock them. Occasionally, we would need to use the other’s phone for whatever reason. When one of us would say, “Hey Babe, can I get your thumb?” the other would typically respond in jest, “you just want me for my thumbs.” (For the unmarried ones reading this, that is the sort of “hilarious” couple banter only you and your significant other will find funny. This is what you have to look forward to if you choose to get married!). While neither of us is actually bothered by this, it touches on a reality that is quite irksome - some people don’t really care about us; they just want what we have to offer. Anyone who has been used by someone else knows the feeling. You feel dirty, unappreciated, slighted, and betrayed. We tend to avoid or, at the very least, severely limit our interaction with those who have used us in the past and do our best to head it off in future relationships. This reaction is understandable, but sometimes it can have consequences that impede our ability to be Christ-like.
We tend to meet neediness with negative assumptions and may even justify why we won’t or shouldn’t help. Sometimes we don’t feel like the other person deserves it. Perhaps they have the wrong motives. “They’re just using us,” we reason, and we might walk away being okay with not helping. But this not the way Jesus shows us.
As we discussed yesterday from Mark’s gospel, Jesus was the groped giver. He was always being groped and grabbed, pushed and pulled in many different directions, oftentimes quite literally (Mk. 3:10; 5:24-34; 6:53-56). He encountered people who were always need something from Him. Needing Him to fix this problem or remedy this issue. Instead of ignoring them in light of some larger purpose, goal, or task, or seeing these people as annoying interruptions or items to be added at the end of a to-do list, Jesus was okay with getting thrown off course or delayed because He saw these people as individuals and cared about every need and touch (This something that Sheila and Leanna highlight). He was willing to get dirty, to be involved in the mess of their lives to help pull them out of it.
Were they using Him to fulfill their own desires? It sure seems so much of the time! And yet, Jesus seems okay with that (as Leah pointed out yesterday in a conversation after the sermon). In the story that we looked at yesterday about the woman who reached out to Jesus in desperate need (Mk. 5:24-34), Jesus responds to the woman in a way that subverts our natural inclinations. Heather notes, Jesus speaks to the woman “not to reprimand her, but to acknowledge her.” He doesn’t begrudge the fact that she needed something and used Him to get it. In fact, He celebrates that she had the faith to do so! We see this exceptional response from Jesus time and time again. He identified with people’s felt needs as well as the ones they don’t know they had. He sees legitimate neediness not as an annoyance but as a pitiable and unfortunate part of the human condition and a world marred by the effects of sin. He doesn’t avoid being used; He embraces it.
Even on the couple of occasions, I can think of where Jesus does, in fact, critique someone who is seeking something from Him, it doesn’t keep Him from showing compassion. In fact, in the case of the man who asks Jesus to cast the unclean spirit out of his son, Jesus’ critique is not leveled at the man’s neediness or his request for help but, surprisingly, that he didn’t ask strongly enough! (Mark 9:14-29, Gabe pointed this out over lunch on Saturday). Significantly, when Jesus feeds the 5,000 plus women and children, Matthew and Mark tell us that He was seeking to get away to rest and recover from all the needs He had been busy meeting (Mt. 14:13; Mk. 6:31). Yet He has compassion on them and takes the time to feed them, tired as He and the disciples may have been. What makes this even more remarkable is that John’s gospel uniquely records Jesus’ rebuke of the crowds when they come seeking more food (Jn. 6:22ff). Knowing ahead of time their intentions, Jesus feeds them anyways! Further, He doesn’t allow this experience of being used to hinder Him from giving of Himself in the future (He later will feed 4,000+; Mk. 8:1-10).
Jesus isn't irritated by people's neediness, hindered by their motivations, or frightened of being used. He just shows compassion and meets needs, and lets the chips fall where they may. Let us love liberally, serve sacrificially, and give generously as Jesus did. And if they use us... what of it? If we can appropriate language from Paul, “why not rather be [used]?” Jesus was.
One final thought from Roan that speaks to us on the other side of this coin as people in desperate need. The proper response of needy persons to God and the men and women through whom God works is gratitude. While God hopes that we will be grateful to Him, He has demonstrated His goodness to us without the guarantee that it will work out. He is willing to be used and abused in demonstration of His love, hoping that at least in some, this grace will produce a gracious response. And for the rest of us mere mortals, much less noble than He, gratitude is often the difference-maker in meeting needs with delight rather than with drudgery. Therefore, let us also be properly grateful to those who have helped us.
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